Absolute trust

Okay, I'm going to make an argument here, a claim that may make some sort of gut sense but my symbolic example is going to be a stretch, logically speaking.

When you have a young enough child (one who has not been abused or neglected), one of the most terrifying, astonishing, weird things is how utterly absolute your kid's trust is in you. For example--though this is not the symbolic example about which I am making the claim (I haven't made the claim yet)--Otter will lean backwards out of G's lap, willy nilly, utterly fearless: Daddy will catch me.

Now, as he ages, those moments are less frequent, but when they do happen, they are mainly surprising and scary. They remind me of how much responsibility parenting is. Yes, yes, yes, I know we can't always keep Otter safe; I know that he'll get hurt sometimes and sometimes that will be a good learning experience and sometimes it will just suck and sometimes it will do both at once.

But, occasionally, that absolute trust and faith is astonishing in a purely wonderful way. This morning, as I was carrying Otter in to daycare from the car, the wind picked up, dropping the temperature about twenty or thirty degrees, at least in that mysterious "faux temperature", "wind chill reality".

Otter, balanced on my hip, was bundled up in boots, mittens, a lined coat, and a hat with a velcroed strap under his chin. Nonetheless, he felt the wind on his face and his immediate instinct was to turn his head to me and burrow his face straight into my chest.

He did this so fast, before I had even finished bringing my hand up from my side to cup his head and pull his face close out of the wind. He didn't have time to think: Mama is warm; or Mama will keep me warm; he just reacted, from some gut level that says Mama means warmer, Mama means safer, Mama means better.

I told the back of his head and his covered-up ears what a great job he was doing "tucking" and hurried to carry him in to daycare. And as I felt his warm little breath and looked down at his fleece-covered head, for that brief moment, that trust felt fairly amazing, felt like a gift. (See, there's the claim.)

I told you it was a stretch... but it didn't feel like one.